We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize