If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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