i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
