who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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