You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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