You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
