I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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