I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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