both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
