you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
