People in love make me want to vomit
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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