I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Everyone says I win the strip club
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
