We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
