Someone shit on the floor
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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