I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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