...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
