You're so nebulous sometimes
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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