dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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