Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
