Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
sarcasm needs its own font
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
