Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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