Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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