I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
