so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
