So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
