Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize