Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize