i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
