No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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