I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
