New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
