I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
