Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
