There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
