Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
