I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
