My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
