If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
