Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
