Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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