I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
