would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
