Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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