I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
