You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
