don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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