working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
