btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
