When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My cat gives me a boner
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
