It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
