Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
