why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
