There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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