So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
