Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
