He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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