I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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