he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
