she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
