I'm lost and stupid without you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Two words: blizzard sex
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
