it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
