HIV tests are more positive than that guy
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
